Friday, December 23, 2011

Five Stages

Like everyone else in the world, I really look forward to my weekend.  I enjoy spending some extra time in bed and not having to set an alarm.  In this post, I will explain to you how every Saturday begins.  And just so you know, before any of the following stages take place Charlie has been taken out and fed.  Ok, I now present to you:

Charlie's Five Stages of Morning Grief

Stage 1: Prowling
This first stage begins right after her breakfast.  In this stage, Charlie walks around the bed licking her beard and snorting.  She's trying to find just the right spot.

Stage 2: Whining
Though this may look similar to Stage 1, it sounds very different.  In this stage, Charlie has chosen the perfect spot to begin her whining.  This is not the take-me-out-now-or-I'll-pee-right-here whine.  Nope, this is the give-me-attention-and-a-belly-rub whine.  Those are two very different whines.

Stage 3: Denial
In this stage, Charlie pretends that I am awake and not actually sleeping.  Activities include: stepping on my head, licking my face, opening the curtains to take a peek, and bringing me toys.

Stage 4: Depression
This stage is the most pitiful of all the stages.  She lays down on me or next to me and sigh-whines.  Its a whine and a sigh at the same time.  It's one of the saddest things I've ever heard, but not sad enough to get me out of bed.

Stage 5: Disbelief
This final stage involves one last, long sigh-whine.  She give me the look, curls up between my feet, gives me that last sigh, and then falls asleep for 2 more hours.

Total Time: 20 minutes to an hour

I have no idea why we have to go through all five stages before she goes back to bed, but we do. Today is my first official day of Christmas break, so I'll be having many days in a row of this horrible routine.  Awesome.  It's a good thing I love her - a lot.

1 comment:

  1. But what if your little baby needs to go outside or just wants you to get up and play? I think you have a four-legged alarm.